Guys, I think I have a very legit fear of aging.
 |
| A recent message between a friend and I... Can you tell she's in school for psych? |
Tomorrow will be my first day as a never-again-teenager, and let me tell you, I am scared shitless. Sure, it'll be just like every day, where I wake up, write in my book, Wingless, take a coffee break and watch an episode or two of something (Currently Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel) and write some more. But I think with me about to hit 20 years, which is two decades, which is a quarter of 80 years, I am freaking out. I cannot deny adulthood anymore. There will not be the comfort of "Eh, I'm still a teenager" to fall back on.
At this point in my life, now that I (almost) don't have the security of teenage stupidity, I have to actually evaluate everything as "an adult". Yuck.
Time for honesty: I have a lot of checkpoints that I wanted to have accomplished by now. And quite frankly, I feel like I'm still at square one. So, because I am still a teenager today, I have one last chance to use my "stupid teenager" card, and today, (aren't ya'll lucky), I get to use my card on you by sharing all of the things I wish I would have done by now, and the things I have accomplished recently. Afterwards, I shall attempt something dumb and teenagerly.
So things that I have not accomplished yet in life (Don't laugh too much):
- Felt scholarly after a year and a half of college
- Finished my book, Wingless
- Started my second book
- Invest in Netflix
- Been kissed
- Been in a relationship
- Gone clubbing
- Published something
- Eaten a whole pizza in one sitting
- Figured out a way to transport myself into the story of my favorite books
- Traveled the world
- Gotten the courage to fill out a study abroad application
- Run away and live life on the road
- Moved to Washington (the state... rain is my favorite, no judging.)
- Become a badass that drives a 67 impala (or a porsche 911 Turbo S... or a beautiful 2014 corvette stingray...)
- Figured out a way to live without coffee
Things that I have accomplished in life:
- Gone on 4 mission trips
- Read a lot
- Wrote a lot
- Studied writing a lot
- Wrote some more
- Consumed lethal amounts of coffee to cope with addiction to writing
- Binge watched far too many shows and youtube videos
- Sang in front of a real live person (Shoutout to Donnie! and Nate too, for stealing my ipod to listen to a recording of my voice and who is going to possibly force me to make a music vid...) *sidenote: singing to someone=phobia
- Spent too many hours on Pinterest
- Danced like a maniac to super lame music when home alone
- Become highly addicted to Angel and then Buffy the Vamp. slayer. They're charming shows. Don't make fun of me until you appreciate actual plot and characterization.
- PRE-ORDERED A CD OF A NEW FAVE BRITISH ARTIST WHICH WILL COME WITH HIS AUTOGRAPH.
Other than that, not much I have/haven't done. It's a pretty sad list. So I guess I will dedicate my next decade to living boldly? Who knows, but I will def keep you posted.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that being an adult can be very awesome, but it can also suck. A lot. That much I have learned as a 19 year old. And I am hoping I'm not alone here in the fear of aging...feel free to message me or comment on this post (so I don't feel so lonely over here) and I'd love to share them in a later post. But I suppose the lesson I really learned from all of this is that life never works out exactly as you planned. And as much as that irks me, I guess I could pretend to be an optimist for three seconds and say, "Well it can only go up from here" or something along those lines. Hopefully being in my 20's as of tomorrow (egads...) will begin an incredible new journey, with some ups and preferably few downs. Maybe I'll celebrate my freedom to buy cigarettes and lottery tickets (still haven't done that yet) just for the hell of it. And I promise, (and I expect all of you to hold me accountable) that I will try to do more things that scare me, and try and live outside of my living room writing. Maybe I'll move to a coffee house instead to write... baby steps. I have no idea if I'm going to feel a hundred years old tomorrow or not, but I do know that I am sticking to my teenage agenda anyways. Age can stick it. It's just a number. So I guess you could say tomorrow, I'll be 19 again.
Now for some dumb teenagerly stuff...
While I was thinking of something to put in this section, I got lost in the world of youtube, and Pinterest.... yeah that's a pretty dumb teenager thing, right? I quit. This is too hard. Maybe it's a good thing I'm getting old. On the bright side, I'll share this video that I stumbled upon that is super hilarious. Enjoy quality time with JennaMarbles. Now I'm going to go pretend I'm not an old lady even though I totally am, and tell you how life is on the first true side of adulthood. If you don't hear from me soon, I will have retreated to my blanket fort where you will most likely find me coloring in my Strawberry Shortcake coloring book while listening to some classic rock.
Love you all and wish me luck,
Love always,
Amber <3
No comments:
Post a Comment