Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Roaring Twenties

Well, the good news is that I don't feel like a hundred years old yet, so I'd say that's a good start as a 20-year-old. Anywho, I promised all of you that it was about damn time that I start embracing freedom and force myself out of my comfort zone and all of that. So lucky for you, I have an update on my life, full of epiphanies and magical happenings. 

Recently, I've had some (very deep) conversations with people and have had so many epiphanies this week that I can barely keep my head straight. But that's the way life works - sometimes it feels like the universe barely knows you exist and then suddenly it all hits you like a baseball bat to the face. Although that sounds unpleasant, it's not always such a bad thing. So today I've decided to list the things I have personally discovered about myself or just lessons I've learned, and other such things that only a wisdom-filled twenty-something person would know. (And now thanks to me, you don't have to learn these lessons the hard way!! ...you're welcome...)

1. The best feeling in the world is when you surprise yourself.

No, I'm not talking about throwing yourself a 'surprise' birthday party. I'm talking about realizing that you can be way better than you ever thought. This week, I showed myself that I can be way more of a mature adult than I honestly ever thought I'd be. There were some situations that came up recently where I had to make some really big decisions, and once I decided, I stuck to those decisions, and handled everything with such poise, I could barely recognize myself in the mirror (figuratively). And that leads me to number two.

2. Making decisions and sticking with them is crazy important. 

This one I learned from my aunt Susie, who is the coolest person ever. (For those who have been reading for a while, to clarify, this is NOT the crazy aunt.) She taught me that the beauty of being young is that even if you make the wrong decisions, you can learn from them, and still have plenty of time to fix things. She told me that the most important thing is that when you make a decision, know that in the end, it is your decision, and yours only. So once you choose something, stick with it, hell or high water, and your confidence in yourself will definitely go up. After the past few days of following that advice, I can tell you it is 100% true.

3. Emotion is not vulnerability.

Another gem of advice from Susie, and it totally changed my perspective. There is no right or wrong emotion, it is simply a fact of how you feel. It is what it is. Simple as that. What you feel is not weakness, but merely a part of who you are at the moment. If someone has a problem with that, then that is their problem to deal with, not yours. It's a harsh reality I think few of us really take time to think about and accept, but nonetheless, it still is the truth.

4. Impulsivity isn't always a bad thing.

You know the feeling when you want to accomplish something, or do something, but know that if you don't do it now, that it probably won't happen? Homework is probably the best example of this, but for me today, I decided to finally get my second ear piercing. I was at my favorite coffee house, Stone Creek Coffee, with my friend Katie, and realized that I really wanted to do something to remember all of the tough decisions I've had to make and that I finally started to climb out of a rough patch of life. I always wanted a second piercing, but never got around to it (mostly because I chickened out) and started perusing the internet, looking at the nearest mall and what kind of deals they offered for piercings, etc. After talking for a few minutes about it with Katie, I asked her if she'd take me to the mall right then. And just like that, we went to the mall, and low and behold, I got my second piercing. With my serious fear of needles and an incredibly low pain tolerance, I was beyond proud that I didn't even flinch, or cry, or stop breathing. To celebrate, I indulged in 17 pairs of earrings total, (They were on super sale) and although in my case, it injured my wallet, I have absolutely no regrets at all. Take a look!!



5. Do the things that scare you.

Most people don't see piercings as a scary thing, but this fifth point is what really drove me to do that. I made a promise to do things that were out of my comfort zone, so I think this was the first baby step in the right direction. Besides that though, things that scare you could be something as simple as speaking your mind, to something as horrifying as telling the brutal honest truth to someone who needs to hear it, or maybe trying to not look like a babbling idiot in front of your crush. Whatever it may be, if you take those baby steps like I did, then I promise that you will feel better about everything in the end.

So, my dear friends, in my short 23 days of being 20, I leave you with all of this life-giving wisdom. I hope it assists you in your future endeavors and helps you accomplish your hopes and dreams for the future. Whatever you have going on right now, just try and use these five handy-dandy tips and I promise the road will be a lot smoother.

Love always,
Amber <3

Thursday, January 8, 2015

SERIOUS QLC PROBLEM

I know I haven't posted in... one, two, okay, too long, I know. But today I could not think of a more perfect day to talk about a serious QLC I have.

Guys, I think I have a very legit fear of aging.

A recent message between a friend and I...
Can you tell she's in school for psych?


Tomorrow will be my first day as a never-again-teenager, and let me tell you, I am scared shitless. Sure, it'll be just like every day, where I wake up, write in my book, Wingless, take a coffee break and watch an episode or two of something (Currently Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel) and write some more. But I think with me about to hit 20 years, which is two decades, which is a quarter of 80 years, I am freaking out. I cannot deny adulthood anymore. There will not be the comfort of "Eh, I'm still a teenager" to fall back on.

At this point in my life, now that I (almost) don't have the security of teenage stupidity, I have to actually evaluate everything as "an adult". Yuck.

Time for honesty: I have a lot of checkpoints that I wanted to have accomplished by now. And quite frankly, I feel like I'm still at square one. So, because I am still a teenager today, I have one last chance to use my "stupid teenager" card, and today, (aren't ya'll lucky), I get to use my card on you by sharing all of the things I wish I would have done by now, and the things I have accomplished recently. Afterwards, I shall attempt something dumb and teenagerly.

So things that I have not accomplished yet in life (Don't laugh too much):

  • Felt scholarly after a year and a half of college
  • Finished my book, Wingless
  • Started my second book
  • Invest in Netflix
  • Been kissed
  • Been in a relationship
  • Gone clubbing
  • Published something
  • Eaten a whole pizza in one sitting
  • Figured out a way to transport myself into the story of my favorite books
  • Traveled the world
  • Gotten the courage to fill out a study abroad application
  • Run away and live life on the road
  • Moved to Washington (the state... rain is my favorite, no judging.)
  • Become a badass that drives a 67 impala (or a porsche 911 Turbo S... or a beautiful 2014 corvette stingray...)
  • Figured out a way to live without coffee
Things that I have accomplished in life:
  • Gone on 4 mission trips
  • Read a lot
  • Wrote a lot
  • Studied writing a lot
  • Wrote some more
  • Consumed lethal amounts of coffee to cope with addiction to writing
  • Binge watched far too many shows and youtube videos
  • Sang in front of a real live person (Shoutout to Donnie! and Nate too, for stealing my ipod to listen to a recording of my voice and who is going to possibly force me to make a music vid...) *sidenote: singing to someone=phobia
  • Spent too many hours on Pinterest
  • Danced like a maniac to super lame music when home alone
  • Become highly addicted to Angel and then Buffy the Vamp. slayer. They're charming shows. Don't make fun of me until you appreciate actual plot and characterization.
  • PRE-ORDERED A CD OF A NEW FAVE BRITISH ARTIST WHICH WILL COME WITH HIS AUTOGRAPH.
Other than that, not much I have/haven't done. It's a pretty sad list. So I guess I will dedicate my next decade to living boldly? Who knows, but I will def keep you posted. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that being an adult can be very awesome, but it can also suck. A lot. That much I have learned as a 19 year old. And I am hoping I'm not alone here in the fear of aging...feel free to message me or comment on this post (so I don't feel so lonely over here) and I'd love to share them in a later post. But I suppose the lesson I really learned from all of this is that life never works out exactly as you planned. And as much as that irks me, I guess I could pretend to be an optimist for three seconds and say, "Well it can only go up from here" or something along those lines. Hopefully being in my 20's as of tomorrow (egads...) will begin an incredible new journey, with some ups and preferably few downs. Maybe I'll celebrate my freedom to buy cigarettes and lottery tickets (still haven't done that yet) just for the hell of it. And I promise, (and I expect all of you to hold me accountable) that I will try to do more things that scare me, and try and live outside of my living room writing. Maybe I'll move to a coffee house instead to write... baby steps.  I have no idea if I'm going to feel a hundred years old tomorrow or not, but I do know that I am sticking to my teenage agenda anyways. Age can stick it. It's just a number. So I guess you could say tomorrow, I'll be 19 again. 

Now for some dumb teenagerly stuff...
While I was thinking of something to put in this section, I got lost in the world of youtube, and Pinterest.... yeah that's a pretty dumb teenager thing, right? I quit. This is too hard. Maybe it's a good thing I'm getting old. On the bright side, I'll share this video that I stumbled upon that is super hilarious. Enjoy quality time with JennaMarbles. Now I'm going to go pretend I'm not an old lady even though I totally am, and tell you how life is on the first true side of adulthood. If you don't hear from me soon, I will have retreated to my blanket fort where you will most likely find me coloring in my Strawberry Shortcake coloring book while listening to some classic rock. 

Love you all and wish me luck,







Love always,

Amber <3