Fear and Living and Embracing Life

Hey everyone,

So I am very aware I haven't blogged in quite some time... (side effect of having a Q-LC) and I have draft upon draft I have tried to work, but nothing seemed to really stick. Fleeting things, some funny, some boring, some just plain dumb, but nothing seemed to work. But tonight I was hit with such a bout of inspiration that I honestly knew that I just had to blog tonight. (That sounded a lot less cheesy/oddly poetic in my head...) 

Tonight, I got to hear the story of Esther Grace Earl. 

Who is she? First of all, an inspiration of a person who really likes the word 'awesome'. A young author, a real person who struggled with things just like you and me, a person who was imperfect, but beautiful and incredible. 

This is the girl that inspired the character, Hazel Grace in the famous book, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Although she was her own person, she is not identical to Hazel...keep this in mind please!). And yes, her parents came to Cardinal Stritch University to teach us the beauty of grace, richness, compassion, and gratitude (Her mom Lori said that it's pretty much impossible to separate compassion and gratitude, and I think she's totally right.) Esther's life was cut short by thyroid cancer that spread to her lungs, at the young age of 16 (She'd be 20 now). She didn't want people to be sad when she left this earth, she wanted to make a difference, and wanted others to live life richly. 

So here most of us are, about the same age as what she would be today, and my question to you (and myself) is are we truly living? 

So that's where we start tonight. According to the dictionary, living means having life and being alive, but it also defines it as active or thriving; vigorous; strong. That doesn't just mean physically, if you were wondering. And another thing -- strength doesn't always mean the ability to look tough on the outside (sometimes it can, but not always). But living life, as defined in most cliche of ways, is to give life meaning. Be happy. In the words of Esther in her book, This Star Won't Go out, “Just be happy, and if you can't be happy, do things that make you happy. Or do nothing with the people that make you happy.” Are we doing things that make us actually happy? Sometimes we forget the awesomeness in the simple things. When is the last time you colored in a coloring book, blew bubbles, spent time with someone you loved, or did something that scared you? 

I am not a risk-taker at all, I can tell you that. I may like the saying, "adventure is out there" but that doesn't always mean I'll embrace it. I hate Halloween only because its scary, I would rather die than go on a rollercoaster, and I just don't like scary stuff. I'm always that person who wonders what if something goes wrong, what happens if I cant handle it, and honestly I don't know what to expect a lot. And these are the things that stop me from actually living. I mean, what am I actually doing if I'm living in fear? It's not really living, is it? And I'm not just talking about the roller coasters and the haunted houses, I'm talking about real life. Here's the first challenge: I want you to think of somebody that you love. Now here's the other thing: when's the last time you told them that you actually love them? This is the real kind of fear I'm talking about. Not the fear of rejection all the time, but just putting your feelings out there. Tell somebody that you love them. Not just somebody or anybody(although this is important too), but tell the person that you truly love that you love them. I think that's where the first step begins. So what's the next step then? Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure, but I'm going to try and write it out so I can figure it for you. But if I had to start anywhere, I think I'd start with where my passions are. For some people, that might be helping others, or talking with people, or maybe it's just listening, but for me its writing. So once you figure out what your passions are I think that leads to the next step. How are you going to use your passion in what you do next? This is where things start getting a little bit tricky. And I definitely don't have all the answers, so this is even hard for me to write. But my best guess is to just follow your passion and see where it leads you. By using that kind of mentality it's helped me actually accomplish things so that's pretty exciting. So I think it's important to do what you love and then do that action with great love. Because without putting love into our actions, what are we really doing? Another thing I learned about compassion this year is that it's a lot more than what we realize it is. This might sound harsh, but compassion is not reaching for that cereal box on the top shelf for the old lady next to you at the store. That kind of action should be expected of everyone -- just to be a kind person. Compassion goes a lot deeper than that. Compassion is having such a love burning inside of you that you want to change something, to motivate someone, to do something to make it better. Not on a small scale but on a large scale and trying to change something around you for the greater good. In my opinion, I think the word compassion is used too often. And I don't mean to step on anyone's toes, but I think that it's important to understand the definition of our words before we try to use those words as motivation to take action.  Compassion is a powerful word, and we need that to dictate our actions. 

So what it seems to have boiled down to is this: live life richly by taking the risks to show true compassion. Live your life by using your passion to drive you towards those actions of compassion. Be happy in the things you do, or the nothing that you do with people that make you happy, and embrace life.

Well guys, that's all I got for now. I really hope that you got something out of this and I love you very much.

Love always,

Amber <3

Change

Hey guys, first of all, big oops on my part for not blogging in forever... But, very recently I've taken a break from life and have gotten a lot of inspiration and decided to take this post a little more seriously than usual. (Originally I was going to blog about moving in to school, but I may save that for a different time). This is me getting kind of deep, so no crazy judgments, people. I'm writing this to hopefully help you guys if you ever have some tough things to work through, not to vent, so remember that! :P

So today, I'm going to talk about change. In the past few years of my life, I have been hit with the whiplash of change in so many ways I would have never thought of, both good and bad. But change is something we've all had to deal with and will continue having to work with it indefinitely.

Personally, I'm a person who embraces change for the most-part, and if you know me, I'm a pretty last minute planner who just goes with the flow. Some people are like this and some people aren't, and that's okay.

But sometimes we struggle with letting go of certain things. Whether it be past relationships, an old goal, friends, school, family, not living at home anymore, etc., we try so hard to never take our grasp off of what we believe is the most ideal situation or person for us. But here's the thing I've learned over the past year: if we don't let go of certain things in our life, how can we grab hold of whatever is coming next? It's like this: sometimes we think we have what's best for us. I think a big part of that is only because we are fearful that something better will never come along, because we're just one little, insignificant person, right? NO WAY IN HELL. Lots of crazy and beautiful moments can happen to any of us, even when we least see it. Sure, you may only be one person, but everyone else in the world is also just one person. We aren't as alone as we think we are.

This is the picture that was in my head while writing so far...
...and no, I did not draw it. This was compliments of Google Images. 

Anyways, fear can be a wall that might seem impossible to climb. I know almost constantly, fear is making the decisions for me rather than me choosing. "Oh, do you want to go to karaoke night?" Nope. I'd rather die than be judged. "How about we go see a sad movie?" How about no. Why would I want to let myself cry in public? You get the idea, though.

If we're constantly living in fear, are we embracing change? Nope, definitely not. And I promise, I am just as big of an offender as all of you reading this. So don't think I'm trying to be on some different level. Actually, just writing this is scary, because I'm throwing my heart out here... (Send some love this way so I don't have a heart attack once I post this) But what I'm coming to realize is that the reason most people don't like change is fear.

So how do we stop being afraid? Well, it might not be that easy. Can we still do things to push through the fear? Absolutely. Does it mean the fear will go away? No, it doesn't. A friend of mine recently showed me that the only way we can overcome certain emotions and fears is by feeling them, not ignoring them and pushing them to the back of our mind. Well, for the first time in forever (you're welcome, Frozen-Obsessed Fans), I let myself just take in my surroundings. It sucked, but #spoileralert, I survived! Yay! Sometimes to get through times of great change, we just need to take in a deep breath of the air around us, look at the beauty of how this change will impact us in a positive way, and keep truckin' along.

So there ya go folks, my little rant on the crazy times of this age. Love you all and hope this helps you!

Love always,
Amber <3

Those Days: No hope for humanity?

Whether or not you will admit it to yourselves: We have all had those days where we question the purpose for humanity, and more or less would be comfortable carving out a hole in the side of a mountain and living there with no contact with humans ever again. I know I've been there, so don't even think about lying to me.

Hopefully if your dreams of cave/mountain dwelling are real,
you don't turn out like this guy...

I feel that when we have these days, nearly everything people do will get on your nerves. From anything as simple as someone in front of you at the store who has a coupon that won't ring up, to something as frustrating as being constantly nagged at about chores by your parents who don't trust you, it won't take much to make you tip. If people aren't careful around you on those days, who knows? Maybe you'll snap and crazy-murder people. Hopefully not, but maybe.

What's worse, is that the way life works out, it seems all of the things you want the least tend to happen the most on these days. I'm convinced that it's these days I believe in Murphy's law the most. Oh, you just want to be on the internet without your messages blowing up? Well, too bad, because Grandma wanted to check if you were taking your vitamins, that one person from your old school wants to get to know you again, and a group message with 75 people decides to add you into the mix. Why must the world be so unfair??

People. Because people run the world. And they ruin it for you.

(This cave dwelling idea is starting to sound a lot more attractive at this point...)

To make matters worse, is that if you are nice enough to contact a human during any point in your hate-humanity-phase, you might not sound like yourself as much, and receive the notorious question, "Are you okay?" Palms begin to sweat. Eyebrows squish together. Fingers nervously hover over the keyboard. You try to breathe, but it seems to get caught in your throat. How are you supposed to respond to that? You could always answer honestly, and just simply say, "I am avoiding all human contact and am packing my things so I can dwell in a cave forever so I don't crazy-murder the human race." But chances are, you may be admitted to a mental facility if you try that one. Oh, if you were hoping I had the answer, I am sorry to crush dreams here folks, but I have not yet discovered the key to that bomb of a question. My deepest, sincerest apologies.

Anyways, getting out of the hate-humanity phase can be a difficult one. So, lucky for you, I have a few simple remedies.

Step One: Do NOT go on Facebook. I repeat. DO NOT GO ON FACEBOOK.
Why? Because first of all, it's social media. You will more than likely run into an unwanted encounter if you approach it.
How? Try Pinterest instead. You can meander through funny pictures, recipes for delicious food that will cure a bad day, maybe even a few quotes that fit your mood. Whatever you need, Pinterest has it.

Step Two: DO eat a snickers.
Why? Because you're not you when you're hungry.
How? Go to the store and buy the whole display box. You probably need more than one.

Step Three: Do NOT listen to love songs.
Why? You are clearly not in the loving mood, so anything that goes against your mood right now is probably a bad idea.
How? Listen to good old 80's rock instead.

Step Four: DO move breakable things out of reach.
Why? In case you have a rage explosion, it's best to have things out of your way.
How? Very carefully, hide all of your fragile objects in cupboards, drawers, and wrapped in bubble wrap.

Step Five: Do NOT watch chick flicks.
Why? At this point, chick flicks will make you more angry than anything else. Save the cheesy unrealistic romance stories for a different time.
How? Check out Cutthroat Kitchen. The show of ultimate sabotage will make you feel better.

Step Six: DO play video games.
Why? Better you kill virtual people than real ones.
How? Pick up Call of Duty and an Xbox controller.

Step Seven: Do NOT go in public.
Why? You will probably destroy more lives than save.
How? Try staying in the house for today, and take a nap. The world will thank you for not slaughtering the people within it.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Hopefully these tips help you out!

Due to my blog post being pretty short today, I thought you might like to see how much you really hate people. Take the quiz on Buzzfeed here.

Hope you all enjoyed my little rant today, let me know what you think in the comments!

Love Always,
Amber <3

Part 2 of: On A TV Binge

Hey guys,

So as some of you may recall, in my most recent post, I focused on TV/Netflix Binges and how they will slowly ruin your life (in a wonderful, fun, and obsessed fashion). Well, to avoid boring you, or taking up too much of your precious internet time, I decided to make it the first half of a two part post. Prepare for all of the random subjects I have not yet touched on to be unveiled. And alas, after days of aching anticipation, you can finally read the rest of it today.

How to Convince People You Don't Have a Problem

Being completely honest, I Googled this. This and the next subtopic are my friend Patrick's suggestions, so I was going to take any measure I could to find the answer. (Especially considering I promised him fame and fortune after this post...)

Promising results, am I right? I mean, TV bingeing is the new trend! 

Since Google provided no help, unless you want to consider furthering your obviousness and addictions, I will hopefully be able to help all of you from my TV bingeing experiences. 

Depending on which step of crazy you have gotten to in your addiction, there are a few different things you can do. First thing, if you don't want the outside world to know of your addiction and it's a just the beginning of your obsessive escapades, the process is a lot less intense. What you need to do in this case, is to bring up your good old friend, Google, and search specifically what shows and music are recently trending, as well as popular news stories. If you have a great knowledge on what the current situation of the real world is, people will assume that you are paying a lot of attention to normal things and most likely will also assume that you have a balanced life. Just throw in a juicy fact or two and you'll have them convinced. They'll never know that you're watching your beloved show for hours at a time, curled up on the couch, depriving yourself of sleep and a social life. Problem solved.

Now if it's a more severe addiction, more drastic actions will be necessary to conceal you're bingeing. First thing is to try and do what I mentioned for those who are not as addicted as you. Although, if you're at this stage, you might not be able to even look at a separate screen from the one that so majestically displays your beloved show. In this case, I would suggest hiding those replica outfits you made to match the characters you now love in a place no one will find them. (Don't worry, you can still wear them when no one is at home.) Another way to convince the world you don't have a problem is to take a shower and wear regular clothing. This may sound crazy, but honestly, binges do this to you. Sometimes people get so caught up in the anticipation of what's next, they will deprive themselves of basic hygiene habits. Normal people smell good. So, for the love of God, please, go take a shower and wear clean jeans. 

Best Foods to Eat Whilst Bingeing

Another of Patrick's ideas was to create a compilation of things that go best with late nights and good TV shows. So here's a list of my personal favorite foods to eat during the binge. If you want the recipe, click on the title of each food. It will bring you to Pinterest (All of the best stuff is on there) and just click the picture to get more details.

• Eggless Cookie Dough
• For the cookie dough, try not to let it sit too long in the fridge. Make it when you need it, or the texture gets a little off.
• "Glitter Grapes"
• I made these once in a while when my friends and I would go camping for Girl Scouts. A refreshing, tart, better than candy snack! The only thing I do differently than this 'recipe' (it's so easy it can barely qualify as a recipe), is that instead of leave a little excess water on the grapes for the jello mix to stick, I dunk the grapes in Sprite.

• Peanut Butter Nutella Croissants 
• I have not tried this yet, but it reminds me of my trip in England, when all I ate every morning was fresh croissants and Nutella. Try it and tell me how it is!
• Saltine Toffee Candy
• My absolute favorite. This is so simple to make, and it tastes lovely. A lot of people only make this during the holidays, but screw that. Who needs a holiday to eat well?

For those of you who don't have a sweet tooth, here's a few things you can pick up at the store for a great snack.

•  Lays Cheesy Garlic Bread Chips (My favorite!)
• Trail Mix
• Snyder's Pretzel Pieces (Comes in Bacon Cheddar, Honey Mustard Onion, Ranch, Jalapeno, and a ton more)
• Bacon. There is always time for bacon.         

"Somtimes you don't realize how far you are until you get to that last episode."

In the words of my good friend and fellow writer, Emma, sometimes, you'll be finishing up one of those tasty snacks just mentioned, and you'll grab the next DVD or click the next button on Netflix, and realize that the show is essentially at an end. And thus, when the show ends, so will you. It's a horrifying moment in which you cannot deny the fact that you have probably seen far too many episodes and your reality is permanently altered. This is the official slap in the face making you realize that there's no going back. Do you cry? Do you curl up in a ball staring at the last hour of your show because this is the last time you will truly live? Do you plan a funeral for your show? No, you can't do that. That would be admitting it's over. You will never let it be over. Never. 

Signs the Outside World May Identify You as a TV/Netflix Obsessed Person (So they can help you, of course)

Clearly, obsession is a pretty big problem at this point. Even if a friend you know has followed my steps on how to remain inconspicuous, here's some sneaky ways to find out if there is a problem and how you may face it.

First of all, you could start by asking the hard questions. Don't ask about the most popular news story, ask about one from last week. If they stumble and seem shocked at your answer, this may be a tip off to a TV binge session. Another thing you can do is to randomly show up at your friend's house, bringing a bag of chips or popcorn as your entrance fee. If your friend claims that chips are not necessary, because they already have three varieties of that kind, chances are, they are on a TV binge. While you are in their house, see if the remote seems to be flung to the side of the room. Chances are, when you came, it was unexpected, so your friend most likely shut off the TV and haphazardly threw the remote. One more thing that may help identify a person on a TV binge, and probably the most obvious one, is look at what they're wearing and if they smell bad. As mentioned earlier, those who TV binge tend to forget about the real world, and end up wearing wrinkly pj's from 48 hours ago and have unkempt hair. Good luck on your quest in helping your friends. Best of luck.

How to break the binge

Being completely honest again, just for kicks, I was curious to see if the internet had any suggestions on this subject, even though I already have my preconceived ideas of how to fix the addiction, but this is a very serious, very legit wikihow on how to quit your TV addiction. Check it out here.

My ideas in convenient steps:
1. Slowly, open the curtains and let a few rays of sunshine in. No, it will not burn you alive.
2. Get rid of one bag of junk food. Just one.
3. Open curtains all the way.
4. Call one of your friends you probably ditched along the journey of your Tvland escapades.
5. Take a deep breath, and take two steps out of your front door. Breathe the fresh air.
6. Invite a friend over. (Not to watch a marathon of the series you just watched!)
7. Catch up on the current issues of the world. Chances are, you're very much in the dark about what's going on. World War III Could have broken out and you'd have no idea.
8. Go out. Yes, you hear me correctly. Go party, hang out with people, and learn how to be a human again.
9. Practice steps 1-8 until you are immersed back in the true real world.

 

On a TV Binge

We've all been here before. Glued to the TV, depriving ourselves of sleep, social interaction, and fresh air. The black hole of the addiction has literally taken over every aspect of your life and you aren't even sure how you got here. 

TV binges start out so innocently, seeming like a casual way to pass a little bit of time. But suddenly, it's a death trap that can lead to your eventual downfall. I myself have binge watched a lot of different shows - Ghost Whisperer, New Girl, and Supernatural being just a few of them. 

Who doesn't love binge-watching their favorite show/s? It's the perfect way to escape the world for a few hours, days, or sometimes weeks. And what better way to leave the horrid responsibilities of the real world than by pretending you exist on an entirely different plane? 

It took me a few days to figure out where exactly I was taking this post - there were so many ways I could have gone, and I am THE WORST at making decisions. And don't tell me, "You could just cover everything instead of having to pick." because, with a mind like mine, my little rant would turn into a book itself. So I finally figured out my topic: The process of becoming a TV/Netflix obsessed person who binges on episodes like they're going out of style. 

*For the sake of not having an overly lengthy post, the next one I will write will cover: signs the outside world may identify you as a TV/Netflix obsessed person (so they can help you, of course), and how to break the binge.*

How to Become a TV/Netflix Obsessed Person

**DISCLAIMER**

It all starts out harmlessly. 

In my case, my two best friends from college (Diana and Nate) suggested I start watching New Girl, and conveniently, my roommate, Ariana watched that show every time she got the chance, so to say the least, I was blindly surrounded by weird references I didn't understand. Of course I had to figure out what the big deal was, so I started watching it. (If you haven't noticed by the pictures already in this post... I've been sucked in to that show.) The other two of my favorite TV shows, Ghost Whisperer and Supernatural, were introduced to me by simply scrolling through channels on the TV when I was bored, looking for anything that would kill the tedious task of being productive. Naturally, because I came across these shows halfway through them, I of course had to watch another episode so that I could properly judge whether or not it was a good show. And so the addictions began.    

Stage 1: Curiosity Becomes A Habit

The constant question of what might happen is becoming a comfortable thought in your mind. What will the next episode bring? I wonder if this show gets weirder than it already is... Guess I'll have to check out the next episode to find out...

Stage 2: Questioning Your Habit

At this point, you're probably almost done with the first season. With a few more episodes, you start wondering if it's worth it to let your life be slowly taken over by this show. You've watched almost a whole season, so you can at least talk about the show to some extent. Where do you take your life from here?

Stage 3: Dive Full Force Into Show

If you aren't an avid Ghost Whisperer watcher:
This picture is from the episode, Leap of Faith (See the connection??)
 Long story short - deep water, and Eli can't swim,
but he wants to jump in anyways. (This spoils nothing, I promise)

You submerge yourself in the show. Watch it without stopping. All of those questions you were just asking yourself moments earlier are all just trivial things now running in the back of your mind. Besides, the first season of most shows don't always encompass the entirety of the show's point anyways. Now you can properly judge the show and understand every reference all of your friends and the internet have made and finally understand them.

Stage 4: Avoiding Any And All Social Interaction With Thinly Veiled Excuses

Look, going out sounds fun, and I know it's been a month,
but if I stay home tonight, I have a chance of finishing
seaso-- *cough* I mean, I might have a chance of catching a cold...

You have finally gotten through a few seasons without interruption. Your new life goal is to set a personal record for the amount of episodes you can cram into a 24 hour period. Your friends keep bothering you to go out, but they don't understand that you are a go-getter, a persevering person, who will not give up on this show until it is finished. In fact, you begin wondering why they don't have the same outlook on life that you do. I mean, what are they dedicated to? Making up plans on a whim? Please.

Stage 5: Believing The Show Is Reality, And The "Real World" Is A Lie (Trust No One)

Because you've spent so long on a different plane of existence than your average person, suddenly the "Real World" is less and less lived in. Therefore, the show has become your new reality. This stage is a huge contributor to your obsession if you are watching anything involving folklore, like Supernatural, or any drama shows in general. This "Real World" has no idea about what really goes on around them. Everyone has secret motives. I mean, have you seen the latest drama on TV? And are people dumb enough to believe that they're the top of the food chain? Watch one episode of Supernatural, and you'll be convinced otherwise. There are waaaaay more than ghosts out there. How do I know?  Well, if it's on this show, it's definitely real.

Stage 6: Trying To Convince Those Around You of Stage 5's Honest Truth

To the few friends you have left at this point, you try with all your heart to convince them that you should trust no one. With these secret motives you are learning about more and more throughout the show, you know you have to save who you can before it's too late. The only reason you're warning people is because you care about them and love them. You just don't want to see them get hurt.

Stage 7: Not Being Able To Connect In A Conversation Without Using A Reference To "Your" Show

To the rest of the world, you're weird jokes and commentary during regular conversations are disturbing. (Unless they binge watch the same shows) No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to stop talking about how something relates to "your" show. If someone talks about pie, you will go on a rant of how exactly it appeared in the most comical of ways (Or perhaps pineapples for Psych fans). Or, you might try to compliment someone's outfit by saying, "That is so something Jess would wear. I love it!" But if the person you're talking to hasn't seen New Girl, she might just think you're accusing her of stealing some girl's outfit. 

Stage 8: Forget Trusting The World, You've Got Your Real Friends 

By real friends, I mean, the characters, the very real existing people in your show. (If you look hard enough around the world, you know sooner or later you will find them.) After scaring away most people with your quirky connections to your show, you figure that you're probably better off with the people who really care, the people you have formed a bond with and sacrificed time away from your friends to be with them: the people on your show. This is usually where the obsessive buying of nerdy merchandise comes into play...

Stage 9: You're screwed.

If you've survived this far, and gotten to this unnerving stage of addiction and unhealthy obsession, congratulations on your perseverance and dedication. Sadly, this is kind of the end of every road. That is, until you've caught up with everything and don't have any more seasons to watch. I mean, I guess you could try and find a new show, but nothing could beat the moments you just shared with those incredible characters... Sorry, not sorry. You'll just have to wait and pray that something will come up and be half as good as what you just watched, and hope it lasts a while. At this point, you're lucky if you remember how to live outside of Netflix, On Demand, Amazon Prime, or that illegal website you found to calm your nerves when the next episode didn't come soon enough on a legal site.

Part Two is soon to come! Comment if you have any other ideas of things I could write about related to TV Binges! Hope you enjoyed it :)

Love Always,

Amber <3

Coming Home for Summer/Breaks: There Are Rules Again?

There comes a time for a college student to move back home for a while, whether it be for a holiday break or for the whole entire summer. I remember in High School, how much we lived for those breaks, how the weeks in waiting for those glimpses of freedom were the most dreadful ever. Anything was better than stepping foot into that prison of a place called school.

But now, it's more than halfway through the summer, and I can't wait for it to end.

That's right, I said I can't wait for it to end. 

One of my best friends on campus,
Diana, with me after pedal boating!

College, the magical land where pizza shows up at your dorm door after midnight and it's totally acceptable. The beautiful place where PJ's are worn all hours of the day. A place where being crazy adventurous, having fun, and eating tons of delicious cheap food is its very own religious ritual. Oh, and the best part: no rules. So why would I want to give that up?? 

Posted below are a few highlights from my first year of college!

First time on a real canoe expedition. Thank you college
friends for forcing me to do this!
(Peer pressure can be a good thing.)

Official 10th Anniversary of Mean Girls. In college, it's totally
acceptable to wear what you want when you want, and don't we
look damn classy?
Pictured: Me, Diana, Nate, and Josie :)

College is the one place that I finally felt totally free.
(Unless we're talking about my wallet, then that's another story.)

Anyways, coming back home for the first time was a lot weirder than I expected it to be. I mean, rules? No pizza place that delivers past midnight? I can't do my laundry at 1am so I can have clean underwear the next day without waking someone up from the noise? And where the hell are my beloved vending machines?

What kind of warped portal had I just been sent through?

As the oldest kid of my family, I was the first bird out of the nest, so to speak. So not only have I had to adjust to coming back and having my summer roommate become my 11 year old sister, but my parents had to readjust to their sassy kid moving back under their roof. Let me tell you, it has been an adventure. 

I feel like as a college kid, coming back home can sometimes make things a lot more frustrating. After living on our own for a whole year, one would think we have enough life experience to know how to be self-sustaining, right? Well, back to the subject of my last post, some people, especially family members, refuse to accept the fact that we're real, live, actual adults. And that, my friends, is why some still decide that we can't function without their rules constantly hovering above our heads. 

So what do we do about this dilemma? Honestly, and as usual, I don't have an exact formula. I mean, technically, if we're the perfect little angels of children our parents always dreamed of, we could always just clean up that four-foot high pile of laundry that's been staring at us for a month, but that's not as fun. So here are some tricks to fool your parents into believing that you've done your 'responsibilities' at the exact moment they want. (You can save the real cleaning and other such things for when you feel like taking care of it later. Or never, for that matter. I don't care.)

1. Does this look familiar?


Here's your solution: Hide in every crevice of your room. Under your bed, in an empty backpack, behind a bookcase, and my personal favorite, suitcases. (No one will ever have to know besides you and me.)

2. Oops, you forgot to unpack your backpack after the semester ended.


Here's your solution: Either burn all contents in a ritual-like rage, or simply zip up your backpack and empty it later. It's that simple.

3. Have clean dishes to put away?


Here's your solution: Make them dirty. It's a shame you didn't know the dishwasher was clean, because otherwise you wouldn't have put a spoon with peanut butter, a plate of leftover mashed potatoes, and the remnants of last week's lasagna in the dishwasher. Oops.

4. Have to fold the clean laundry your mom just did for you?


Here's your solution: Fold your laundry terribly. Maybe you just can't fold that towel into quarters neatly. Make a quiet comment to yourself (in your mother's presence) about how you wish you could fold laundry like her. And just like that, your laundry will literally fold itself.

5. Have to take out the trash?


Here's your solution: There's a few things that you could do in this scenario - hire a raccoon, preferably not a rabid one, to eat your mess, or you could build a garbage can zipline from your second floor window to the outdoors so you will never have to carry your trash out again.

6. Need bonus points to convince your parents you really are a great kid?


Here's your solution: Clean up your mess from your campout on the couch last night. Yes, even the half open bag of Doritos. Find the energy to put it back in the cupboard. If you're lucky enough, your parents will forget you moved back in with them and you can lead a long, happy life, free and in charge.

Just for entertainment, I found this on Buzzfeed. It pretty much sums up all of the things we go through when we come back home. It's smile-worthy for sure!

Hope these tips work. Good Luck!

Love Always,
Amber <3

That Awkward In Between Age

So, yesterday, as I was having a lovely time at my adorable little cousin's fourth birthday party, I was reminded of how weird it is to be that awkward in between age. You know, when you're at a gathering or holiday event, and you're at the age where you're too old to have a deep conversation with a second grader, but too young to understand all of the middle-aged jokes everyone else seems to be throwing around. 

So what do you do? Sit around and look like your teenage stereotype as you text your life away? Stand by that communal chip bowl for an hour, eating one chip at a time, waiting for God to send someone your age to the gathering? Maybe wander from group to group, smiling and nodding, hoping no one thinks you're a total creep?

I have tried all of these, and I can tell you that they only make you look way weirder than you'd like to look. In other words, if I had an answer, I would have already told you. But at least you can finally know you aren't alone.

Not only do we newly adult people have the problem of figuring out who to hang around during these gatherings, but we always have that one crazy family member who refuses to accept the fact that you are, a very real adult and always asks too many questions. For the sake of not being hunted down, we're going to call my crazy family member Francesca, because, who doesn't love the name Francesca? Anyways, a few years ago, junior year as I recall, during our annual Christmas gathering, it was my turn to open up a present. This one was from Francesca, and by the giant grin she had on her face, I could tell she couldn't wait to see my reaction. Since I'm always a person who is cautiously optimistic, I was hoping it was a fancy sweater or a million dollars or something great along those lines. I open the present, and Francesca starts clapping.

It was a Team Jacob shirt. As in the Twilight kind. 

1. I was 17. Back in 8th grade, I was obsessed with the whole Twilight thing (the age where it's okay to be weirdly into certain trends), so this was totally irrelevant.

2. She picked the wrong team.

In front of my whole family (that means all of my guy family members too) and she starts talking about how attractive Taylor Lautner is, and then she says, "Oh wait, there's more, look!"

I look.

A New moon Yearly Calendar. 

Just... Why.

So naturally, as the person with the pasty complexion, my face blows up red, as she points out how great Twilight is for me. Five seconds later, the whole family is laughing because my face was morphing into deeper shades of crimson, to the point where, in the dim lighting of the room, was still noticeable. This of course brings on the "Hey look she's blushing because there's a shirtless guy on that page!". Lord have mercy. 

As for those awkward moments when you get asked the same few irritating questions that only a college-aged person gets asked, that never helps the whole, "I have no idea what I'm doing with my life" situation. I wish I could just say what I'm thinking in those situations, but I'm not exactly what you'd call courageous. But if I could respond in the way that I really wanted, this is probably what it would look like.

"So, do you have a job?"

...I'm pretty sure i would have told you if that status changed, considering you ask me that every other day, and there's nothing I want more than you to shut up and leave.

"What are you going to school for?"

...Not for money, if that's what you're asking. I'll probably be in debt the rest of my life.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" (Francesca's favorite question)

...No, I don't. In fact, I have two. One for at home and one at school. Just don't tell mom.

I'm sure there are countless other questions that I'm forgetting, but we can save that for it's very own post if I remember some more down the road. It's only 11am, give me a break. 

Love Always,

Amber <3

Well, I must be crazy.

After a little less than a week, I had come to the conclusion that I was changing my majors -- both of them. I decided to give up on a good-paying job down the road, and instead, decided that 'following my heart' was the better option. Oh, and then I thought that starting a blog would be the cherry on top of all of that. Crazy, right? 

I was originally going to go to college for Secondary Education, a double major in English, a minor in Religious Studies, and an interfaith certificate. I was a bit overambitious. It took a whole year of those classes to make me realize that I was just doing what felt comfortable. I liked teaching enough, so, why not? 

But until one of my favorite people, LaVonne, my former Girl Scout Leader, and as I call her, my 'Mama Number Two', asked me if I was doing what I truly dreamed of, I had realized I couldn't tell her yes.

Did I wake up and immediately think, "I can't wait to be a teacher."? No, I didn't. My first thought every morning had to do with wondering what I'd write for the day, and even if it wasn't about what I'd write, I'd toy with dialogue of my characters in my head until I had it just right. Before I went to bed, I wondered what ideas I would wake up to. Writing was such an instinct that I had forgotten it was my biggest dream. 

And that brings me here. Through all of this crazy, chaotic changing, I know that somehow, writing fixes just about anything for me. A blog was the next step. So sit back, and enjoy all of the twists and turns of an almost 20 year old's life, and maybe even laugh at it, I'm sure it'll be interesting.